I completely believe that when you go for something and put your heart into it and get rejected, be it a job, a relationship, a loan you were counting on. It is all preparation for something that is so much better for us down the road. Certain sports coaches make their clients practice using failure as "fuel" for the next time out. It totally works. If you take a minute and think of the big rejections in your lifetime, I'll bet that within a year or so you found something that was even better for you. AND, the better thing couldn't have ever found you had the first thing worked out. (Does that make sense...I may have to re-word)
So, I was real comfortable with this information until...It happened to me!
I was bored one night and I was surfing craigslist. I found myself in the part time job section when I saw a post for a part time job that was so ME, that I briefly wondered if a friend had written it knowing I would find it. (Just a passing crazy thought but that's how ME it really was.)
I hadn't even been looking for work but this ??? Let's just say it paid so incredibly well for a very few amount of hours each week doing work which I love (yes music stuff). I managed to get an interview as did many others and long story short. I worked my way down to me and 2 other applicants. Then, I BLEW IT! I went for a piano audition and I was like a deer in the headlights. I am a good piano player. The best? No. But, I can hold my own for sure. It was one of those quirky things
Needless to say, I didn't get the job and it hurt so bad. It still does. (kind of) I knew right away after that awful audition that I didn't get the job. So, immediately I started with..."This will lead to something much better" "This is part of your journey" "You need this to appreciate the other things that will come your way" in my mind. Then, the other part of my mind just kept saying...."Shut the f*** up." I just wanted to crawl up and feel sorry for myself. No, not forever. But, for awhile. I felt like the biggest loser. I should've aced that audition.
It was days before I started remembering that I didn't know how I was going to have this "perfect job" which would take up my entire weekend almost every weekend. Or how, even though not many hours a week, it was very structured in the hours and they really overlapped with the time that I need to be able to get away to do my "other stuff". I kept thinking..."Well, let me get the job and then I'll deal with that. And, I can always quit". Well, how crappy would that be.? After all that work on my and their part to just up and quit.? I wasn't playing "sour grapes" but I was wondering if maybe it wasn't as perfect as I had made it out to be.
It's been about 2 months and already I am seeing opportunities popping up for the New Year that I wouldn't be able to take had I gotten that job. Even a different job, a musical theater job that pays well, and is only one WEEKDAY a week.
But, I want it to be known that for 2 months or so, I felt awful. I doubted myself as a potential employee, a piano player, a person who gives good interviews...and tons of other stuff that had nothing to do with what had happened. It IS much easier to talk the talk than walk the walk. Rejection and failure sting and burn. AND, the more the "thing" means to you the more it burns. I guess I have to add this to my preaching. (I really hope I'm not preachy)
We should give ourselves time to grieve the thing that we wanted and aren't going to have. Maybe we have to do this before we can even begin to see the gifts that will indeed come from the rejection. And, it isn't that I haven't been rejected before. Please, I could fill a book. But, time does have a way of minimizing some of those disappointments. I think? Which is a good thing. But, should be taken into consideration.
So, this is my big discovery for December, 2012. It won't win me any awards and I'm certainly not the first to make this realization. But still, for me, its a chance to start being a bit more authentic and walking my own walk. Even if I do it in baby steps.