Finally, after several months and a lot more studying than I expected, I'm a certified instructor with Tom Jackson's On Stage Success Program. And that rocks. I have a real camera back in my hands most of the time which makes me feel like I'm home.
Still, it wasn't an easy year. I lost my mom. I always want to say "I had her in my life since the day I was born..." Then I stop myself with an "oh yeah". But, that's how it is. It can't be explained. It's the strangest form of loss that I've ever experienced. My sister feels it too. Mommy and daddy are gone. Wait, how can they leave us down here to fend for ourselves? Don't we need adult supervision? How can they be gone? Then, there is the sadness. Which is more for the way her last days and years were than the actual loss.
The thing is. I was the youngest. Not just the younger (2 kids) but, the youngest of the whole generation. My sister is more than 7 years older than I am. That's nothing now but when I was 5 and she was 12 and change, it was HUGE! After that I have a bunch of wonderful cousins who are older than her. I was always the baby. At least until the cousins started having babies. I was really emotionally dependent on my mom being here. Because, she "got me". I used to freak out imagining how the world would be so different and strange without her in it. And it was. It is. But, it's still okay. I'm lucky to have had a mother who had me so late in her life and then lived to be 90. I'm really lucky to have a sister who remembers all the silly quirky things that our parents would do. This is really why I rocked 2012. I had no choice but to deal with the fact that she was gone. That they both were gone. And...10 months later, I'm still here. I'm still sad but I'm also relieved and I feel them around me all the time. It's spooky. I'll feel my dad's presence around me while I'm driving.I'll turn on the radio and the most obscure song that only he loved will be playing. I LOVE THAT STUFF!!!
So, I guess I was stronger than I knew. Luckier too.
My BIGGEST accomplishment by far this year? Okay, I've mentioned a few (hundred) times that I am not a natural "blogger" I am happiest just posting silly status messages on facebook and not being real personal. And, when I do, it's hard for me to do it consistently. So, I made a promise to myself when I put this site together last January that I would have at least one "real" post each month. Well, look at the side...It has every month of the year. Now, don'tcha kinda agree that I at least sort of rocked this year????
I accomplished so many things in 2012. Ironically, the one thing that I had the most control over. The one resolution that did not get kept.....That dang 30 lbs. I said I'd lose. What is the deal with that. ???
Well, so long 2012. Rest in peace Mom & Dad You are not forgotten. But, I think you know that.
I kind of feel like a kid. I really can't wait for 2013.
HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!! Have fun and be safe.