That self judgement can be relentless. And it's amazing how adjusting your thinking in such a small way can make it just up and leave. It reminds me how hard we are on ourselves. Most of us have an inner dialogue or monologue running 24 hours that is more cruel than the way we would ever talk to another human being. Some of us aren't even aware of it because we have been doing it for so long. We expect things from ourselves that we wouldn't ever expect from another person. It takes a lot of the fun out of being self employed because that horribly cruel, unrealistic person is my boss.
I came to Maryland with so many goals and I am angry that they aren't being reached fast enough. "My inner boss" keeps reminding me of that and pointing out that they might not even be all that great when they are done anyway. So, maybe I should just can all of these plans, ideas etc.
But this time, I am trying to find the "me" inside that can't watch the commercials about animal abuse without crying. Or the me who loves to make kids laugh and I can put it all into perspective a little bit. I am a life coach after all I should be able to do this like flipping on and off a switch (Such a ridiculous statement it's not even worthy of a laugh). But changing the way one thinks, or reacts to everything that goes on around us is probably one of the hardest things to do and I don't think it's a one size fits all kind of fix. I am celebrating the new year in spring. That has made a world of difference to my winter. It may not work for anyone else.
A good friend was telling me the other day that he had to make lists for everything. He couldn't take a day off and just do nothing without feeling guilty. However, if he put it on the list."TUESDAY- Be a bum, Do nothing." He could stay in bed and enjoy it.I think we all want to enjoy our journey. Some of just need some out-of-the box-coping skills to make that happen.
Well, for those of you who are acknowledging the new year, I hope it is off to a great start!
The first two are of downtown Easton and the 3rd is from my balcony. If you click on them, they get bigger. My friend Jesse took all 3. Thanks Jesse!